Today I sit at the local welfare office applying for food stamps so it will balance my workers compensation money to pay my bills. I had promised myself I wouldn’t go back to applying for any type of assistance but here I am again in 2018. My back paining me from standing in line for over 20 minutes. Poverty on every side of me, mothers with flip flops on and crusty feet in the winter season. My current view is watching this sistah in a burgandy sweat suit in flip flops keep her little one occupied while having another one about two year sold sit next to her, hair uncombed looking like every other child in the hood with a struggling parent. Can’t help but notice the Airforce she‘s wearing and the dirty clothes. I sit here trying not to inhale my environment but realize I am part of this poverty. Feeling disappointed with myself when the worker asks my highest grade of education? I respond real low, I have a graduate degree. I know it's a temporary situation but somehow that seems the record playing in the background of my life besides "I'm still standing" by Elton John...
I woke up this morning with Whitney on my mind. I must have played “The Greatest Love of All” like five times this morning. I couldn't help but belting out and crying at the same time. I was truly having a moment a flashback of holding Peedy (my eldest Sun) and Ivoire (eldest daughter) after Kendale (ex-husband) had beat me. I can remember looking into Peedy‘s eyes who looked just like mine and just holding him as tight as I could. Singing along to the song to both my young children as I headed to a women’s shelter to get away from Kendale. I am not sure what triggers memories of pain but somehow I get through it like I always have. Tenacidad has a creative way of making a way...
I am not clear what grant applications deadlines are coming up and how I am going to creatively raise money. I know I have to get to Atlanta to shoot my mothers segment. It is crucial that I get her take on the issue of sexual assault and how she must have felt after finding out. My family has different responses to this documentary my boys are extremely hurt by me discussing the issue, because it hurts hearing your mother was a victim if such a heinous crime. I am preparing myself for my first podcast that I am going to release on Sunday. I want to do one weekly so that it fits with my schedule and I have enough time to dedicate to the issues I want to discuss.
