Dami and the digital Clubhouse...

My good friend Dami, a fellow filmmaker from the UK who resides in Brooklyn have been using Marco Polo and she mentioned Clubhouse app. We use the Marco Polo to see each other and share our filmmaker status of what we are working on and what struggles we may have with grants or funding. Today I wasn't feeling well so I took the day off from work and started doing some research on this Clubhouse app she was talking about. Dami seemed real excited that filmmaker, Ava Duvernay was in one of the rooms and so was Damon John from the Shark show so it did peek my interest. I admire Ava and I guess if I didn't have kids I could've been where she is at right now with her career. I really am proud of this sistah for making it to Hollywood and making films I would have made if I had the platform to do so. I am so proud of this sistah for using her platform to share voices we rarely hear in mainstream media.

I joined today and my Instagram jumped a lot because I am sure I didn't have over 1k followers. I met so many other Black entrepreneurs and so and there are so many more to meet. I get amped when I meet others that are like minded and living in Rochester there aren't many filmmakers of color that I can go to for advice or share my struggles.

I am a part of the Rochester Documentary Collectives needless to say there are only three black people in the group out of 20. That is why I started looking online for other filmmakers of color to vibe with because when I am in film groups that involve white Americans they always seem to want to do a documentary or film on misfortunate people so they can look like the hero or raise money from someone else's problems. A great example is the commercial with kids from a poor country that are hungry there is always a white man walking around a ghetto asking for money to save a little Black kid. The last meeting we had really turned me off because I don't think the white woman who was doing the film even thought about it she just thought there was a need to do it which I can understand but unfortunately she had no connection to the people, so in my mind I am thinking she is exploiting these people to benefit herself. Many white Americans have done that in past history, told our stories and they were never correct just their imagination that they unleashed on screen through a script.

As a Black Filmmaker it has always been a challenge raising money some of our films are not even seen because we loose the momentum.

I'm not gonna lie I have been depressed this year 2020, a number of things have set me back mentally. Having two grown Suns in prison has messed with my psyche, keep asking myself the question? What did I do wrong for them to make these type of decisions in their lives? Was I was too emotional while I was raising them, perhaps if I didn't allow myself to be a victim I could have handled my life better. If I had of stopped dancing and got a real job I could've met a nice man to build with perhaps they would have had a role model. I know blaming myself for being a single parent is not the key, so to take myself out of that negative mind status I listen to Tony Robbins or Lisa Nichols. They have actually helped me without even meeting me. Not to mention the election and Covid this year has been a struggle to keep my finances on track. Like most Americans waiting for their stimulus checks so we gain some traction with our bills I get stressed where I shouldn't be but somehow I am human.

Laying in bed I came to an epiphany that I have to finish "Tenacidad" and "Rochesta" make those two films my 2021 projects. I plan on finishing them up after I finish my video workshop uploads. I am still transcribing in Spanish my FAA certification workshop I have half already shot I need to shoot the other half once I kick this head cold. I am grateful I ain't sneezing or have cold in my chest.

As I continue to find myself in my business, I am dedicated to getting back on track with my career. I have been depressed far too long and have got to get out of this rut.

This afternoon my Sun, Jah called me he got out the hole thank Gawd. It is such a heinous thing to put another human being in a cage for a week or a month. I find that isolation forced on someone can cause more mental health issues than just working it out but then prisons really don't care it's a business. I am glad he's ok and I hope they release him soon guess that is every Mothers wish.

Met some good hearted people this week and gave out my postcards wising my clients a

Happy New Year.

Tomorrow is the 31st and I hope to feeling better so I can get back to work.

Being grateful...

Americans are spoiled by nature not sure if it is because we have the advantage by living in a country that takes what it wants or if it is something we all have learned from birth. I know this evening a young man asked me how I was doing and I responded I am grateful. What does grateful mean in times like this? It means being grateful your health is in tack and you're not in the hospital alone. It means your grateful you have a roof over your head even if you live in the hood. Grateful is being thankful you have food in your belly and you are not starving.

I could complain and say my life is hard, I don't have enough money to do things I really want. I could complain and say I'm tired of sending two grown men money in prison. I could complain that folks aren't serious about business like I am but what would it accomplish? It might make me feel better momentarily but it wouldn't really change the situation.

Lately I have been listening to Lisa Nichols and Tony Robbins who are authors and inspirational speakers I admire. Though I am on a budget they have videos on youtube that motivate and inspire me when I need that pick me up.

Next year 2021 is looking different for me already I have to cut some bills and the YMCA is one of them. I am really going to have to rely on myself walking and making sure I get a walk in a day which has been challenging already with my schedule. I wasn't able to walk to day so my goal is to walk tomorrow and push myself.

This weekend I taped my workshop and yes I felt discouraged because my Spanish is just that bad. I was encouraged by my girls Lydia and Moty that if I kept practicing my vowels it will come. Ironic Moty sent me this picture of her and my eldest daughter at UB during Moty's graduation.

Just thinking of what I cam going to cook for the upcoming holidays. I was thinking of lasagne but that may be too much for me to cook. I will see what I feel like cooking I am leaning towards a large salmon with a side of wings for Erin and whomever wants chicken.

This week has been pretty laid back in Rochester, New York the weather has been mild. Looks like the weather may be changing though...

As I was blogging this evening my eldest daughter noticed I never had any posts of her in my blog. So here is to the mini me and the memories from our journey's together. I look forward to building more memories with my daughter cause life is what you make it. Looking forward to sailing with her and the kids in the near future God willing, I'm living.

Looking forward to 2021 with new horizons...

Blessingz...

Discipline...it's hard to stay on track.

Here is my Queen! My mom is truly a blessing and I am thankful to still have here here with me on this earth. Just giving my Mom a shout out how much I love her. During my twenties her and I didn't get along or rather see eye to eye on certain issues. We still have our views but I realize when we get older we can't hold on to shyt in the past if we are going to grow and be wise. We have to let things go and love as much as we can while we are here in the flesh. My advice to anyone who has issues with family members get over it and love them unconditionally at the end of the day it's how much did we love when life is over...

Discipline is a word that many take lightly even myself. It is a challenge to stay discipline whether it's working out or eating healthy we are all being challenged in our lives regularly. Lately I have been reorganizing my living space by finding homes for things that find themselves laying around on my kitchen table. I've been watching Marie Kondo. It is extremely a challenge to stay on task especially when you have the holidays around the corner and Covid lurking around. My knees have been killing me with the cold air and my arthritis I had to run to Loris and get some spray for my knees and lower back.

My sun, Joval encouraged me to get the book "Secret" which I ordered and it's cute book and has a lot of quotes not sure what the secret is tho...lol

Looks like I am going to have to let my YMCA membership go, I just can't afford it and they are giving me a hassle for my financial aide. I'm going to miss it but it's time for a change and I'm going to have to work out walking and doing yoga during the winter. You would think they want to save every member at a time like this but this but they transferred my paperwork to the downtown office and they are so anal that they want me to produce documents I don't even have. My back is going to be against the wall because I will sincerely miss my swimming and making me more apt to get this boat and get down south ASAP.

Today I video taped my FAA workshop in Spanish the first part about the regulations and laws. One down and five more segments to tape, have to have one of my friends like Lydia or Moty listen to what I have I am sure it's not perfect but my effort was on point. Looks like I am going to have to practice my Spanish more frequently for it to flow like I want it. When I started taping I thought I would be able to listen to the pronunciation and duplicate it but realized it's harder than I thought.

My goal is to finish this Spanish & French translation before January 1st and have them uploaded so I can have some income come in during the winter months. I'm marketing my audience for immigrants because we always seem to forget about the folks who just get here who are excited to not only be in America, but excited to learn a new skill. My pronunciation needs help I am sure but the more I speakI think the better it will sound. Practice makes perfect as they say. Thanks to Erv for snapping these shots while I was working in my kitchen office, don't judge me.

Today I started giving out postcards to my clients for the holidays. Not sure what I am going to get for the holidays money has been real slow lately.

Once again we have been lied to by these politicians regarding our stimulus check. Now they are saying we will only get $600 for a stimulus check which is not really any money for the last few months many of us went through our savings and literally living from check to check. This year 2020, has been a struggle to stay ahead of our bills, keeping our sanity through Covid and the elections.

This week I zoomed into the Rochester Documentary Collectives a group of folks in the area, some filmmakers and some hobbyist of the craft. Some folks showed their work which seemed promising and some folks I just couldn't grasp where they were going with their project they were like scattered in their direction nor did they know who their audience was. As I looked at the group I saw nobody that looked like me or even had the same interests. I think what I don't admire is when White America seems to want to tell a story about a culture and they have no connection to the story. I listened intently to see if there was a connection but it was like they were peering into a culture and haven't realized that for centuries white folks have told everybody's story and there always seem to be a twist in the end that isn't from the cultures point of view. I think I would respect more White folks if they backed the folks who were naturally connected and became a part of the solution, that's my opinion. I didn't really have much to say during the group because it seemed like folks wanted feedback and I couldn't give any positive feedback so I kept quiet.

This week NYC got hit by tons of snow and we got some of it but not like the city Thank Gawd.

Looking forward to 2021 and happy to say good bye to 2020 it's been a challenging year but happy it's coming to an end. Hell Naw!! I ain't getting no Covid vaccination, does a chicken have lips?

Here's to a new beginnings and a New Year full of opportunities, drones and boats...